Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

May 20th, 2009at 06:05pm Posted by Eli

More Practical Advice You Can Use:

Thousands of aliens are masquerading as doctors in America and the patients who go to them are being subjected to unethical medical treatment, a leading researcher warns.

In fact, Dr. Terrence Starnes estimated that as many as two million innocent Americans are trusting their health to alien creatures.

(…)

Dr. Starnes refused to say how he learned about the aliens but alleged that medical authorities are aware of the situation and actually have conspired to keep it under wraps to avoid a public relations nightmare.

The expert went on to say that patients must do everything in their power to protect themselves against the physician-intruders, who are alleged to be conducting life-threatening medical experiments, including the implantation of mind-control devices, under the guise of helping people out.

Dr. Starnes also provided the following list of guidelines to help you determine if your doctor is a space alien:

  1. Beware of doctors who have trouble identifying body parts. If you complain of pain in an elbow and he examines your wrist or forearm, you might very well be in the clutches of an extraterrestrial.
  2. Human physicians often run late, but extraterrestrials are always right on time.
  3. A doctor’s handwriting is usually quite sloppy. But aliens labor over their handwriting and the result is easy-to-read printing.
  4. Most doctors draw blood for testing but need very little to get the job done. Physicians who ask for a quart or more of your blood have a hidden agenda – and may be extraterrestrials.
  5. The vast majority of doctors dispense drugs through prescriptions and pharmacist. Alien doctors prefer to pass out “sample” pills and preparations that usually have nothing to do with the patient’s illness.
  6. Aliens often recommend surgery for patients who feel great and have no symptoms of disease.

“Take these warning signs seriously,” said Dr. Starnes. “If two or more of them apply to your doctor, he’s almost certainly an alien.”

It’s common-sense stuff, really.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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