Archive for June 24th, 2009

Epic Family Values Fail

This really is amazing, and one of the most bizarre press conferences I have ever seen (“The self of self is, indeed, self”?).  After rambling on for two minutes about how awesome the Appalachian Trail is and his love of “adventure trips” and how his valiant struggle against the economic stimulus exhausted him, he then spent another five minutes abjectly apologizing without ever specifying what he was apologizing about.

I can only imagine the bafflement in the audience and in the network studios as they tried to figure out what was going on, reflected in MSNBC’s onscreen captions explaining that Sanford was apologizing to everyone in South Carolina who was worried about where he was, and to his staff for not telling them, and to his wife and sons for, well, something.  They even stalled for time with “Gov. Sanford: I have taken many different adventurous trips”, which is my personal favorite, and perhaps more apt than they realized.

MSNBC had to at least suspect what he was apologizing for, since it was all too excessive to just be about going AWOL, but they couldn’t really speculate in the captions… although that could have been kind of fun: “Gov. Sanford: Apologizing for extramarital affair?”  “Gov. Sanford: Apologizing for drug habit?”  “Gov. Sanford: Apologizing for taking bribes?”

I have a sneaking suspicion that he will not resign from the governorship – after all, he already resigned as chairman of the Republican Governors’ Association so that he would have more time to work on his marriage, and I’m sure that’s much more demanding than running a state.

1 comment June 24th, 2009 at 07:09pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Corruption/Cronyism,Republicans

Philly Giant Heart Photoblogging

The Franklin Institute’s signature exhibit is the giant human heart that you can walk through:

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June 24th, 2009 at 11:24am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Photoblogging

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

The Most Important Online Quiz You Will Ever Take:

Dr. Wallace Trantham says he has hypnotized hundreds of subjects and found that a significant percentage of people remember living on another planet before their existence here on Earth.

Based on his experience, he believes that one out of 10 Americans are born-again aliens.

“These people describe experiences on a variety of planets ranging from dry desert spheres to cold, sunless moons to lush, vegetation-covered places somewhat like our Earth,” says Dr. Trantham, a New Yorker who is writing a book on his theories.

“These people have no conscious memory of their space alien lives, but exhibit distinctive characteristics that reveal their alien past.”

People who answer yes to three or more of these twelve questions have almost certainly lived on another planet:

1. Do you have out-of-body experiences and/or a frequent sense of having experienced something before?
Both phenomena are probably memories of your other-world life breaking through.

2. Do you have a great love of animals?
This probably stems from your unconscious knowledge that life comes in different varieties, including the form you took yourself on another planet.

3. Do you love fruit and/or vegetables?
The diet of most aliens excludes meat. In your earthly life, then, you continue to show a preference for the foods you were used to eating as an alien.

4. Do you have a fear of telephones?
Extraterrestrials are used to communicating with mental telepathy and mechanical instruments like the telephone boggle them. You still have this subconscious discomfort with the telephone.

5. Do you suffer from thinning hair or baldness?
Most extraterrestrials are hairless and you carry vestiges of that trait into Earthly life.

6. Do you have dental problems or problems with your tongue and throat?
Extraterrestrials usually have very small mouths, so in earthly life they have trouble with their mouths and throats.

7. Do you dislike wearing clothes?
Are you happiest when you’re stripped down to a bathing suit or nothing at all? That’s because in your extraterrestrial life, you wore no clothing.

8. Are you not particularly wild about sex?
You probably got this trait from your otherworldy life in which reproduction is a sexless process.

9. Do you crave sesame seeds or egg yolks?
Both these foods contain vitamin T, a nutrient that helps born-again aliens in the forming of badly need blood platelets.

10. Are you obsessively clean?
Alien worlds are usually germ-free and immaculate. In earthly life, aliens have a great deal of trouble dealing with dirt.

11. Are you unemotional?
This is a carryover from the super rational, unemotional mentality of the extraterrestrial.

12. Do you snore?
Aliens often make a purring sound much like a human snore.

I think I’m… borderline.

5 comments June 24th, 2009 at 07:03am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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