Archive for June 25th, 2009

Thursday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

sanford_mistress

Once again, the Weekly World News scoops everybody:

Weekly World News reporters have tracked down Governor Sanford’s Sasquatch lover for an exclusive interview.

(…)

While the Governor has come forward admitting to having an affair, he has attempted to protect the identity of his lover.  However the Weekly World News team has tracked down the cryptid home-wrecker.

Maria, an eastern ridgeback Sasquatch, agreed to meet with reporters in a hotel room near her home.  Though she cannot speak, she was able to communicate through descriptive grunts and an interpreter.

The two apparently met while Sanford was out hunting with other conservative lawmakers.  Sanford snuck up on her in a blind and from the first time their eyes met they knew there was a connection that spanned cultures, language, and species.  Sanford left his hunting party almost immediately and spent the rest of the weekend in her cave.

Since that fateful trip five years ago, the two have maintained their affair, seeing each other whenever possible.  Mary admits it was not an ideal situation, but the two felt compelled by a love that was larger than themselves.  Mary kept in contact with the Governor mostly through email, and frequented the same nearby internet café.  Transcripts of their emails are included below:

From Governor Sanford.  June 8th, 2008

Dearest Maria.  Tomorrow I leave Carolina for those wretched Bahamas.  Wretched because they take me even farther away from you.  Each morning when I awake to the sounds of tropical beaches, I will be thinking of you: the feel of your kisses, the curve of your hips, the downy softness of your pelt.  Though my mind and the great state of South Carolina pull me elsewhere, my heart is always in a cave with you.

My Eternal Love,
Marky Warky

From Maria.  June 7th, 2008

To my Dearest Mark.  It seems like an eternity since I have held you in my arms, although I know it has only been days.  Your scent lingers in my fur, and that gives me comfort.  I can’t bring myself to bathe in the river and wash it away, not yet.  Until fate brings us together again, my heart and my body hunger for you.

Eternally yours,
Maria

Truly a touching tale of a doomed love that could never be.

1 comment June 25th, 2009 at 08:38pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Corruption/Cronyism,Republicans,Weekly World News

Minute 25: The Desecrationing

For the love of God, when will this stupid crazy woman go away???

desecration

Famous bad mother Sarah Palin, hot off her successful campaign to fire David Letterman, from television, is now yelling about how some other random person hates or rapes her children. See that photoshop up there of Governor Palin with Bristol Palin’s child, Trig? We thought “Verne Troyer” too, but no, it is the head of conservative Alaskan radio host Eddie Burke, who is in love with Sarah Palin….  Now Palin has denounced the blogger through her evil spokesperson Meg Stapleton….

“Recently we learned of a malicious desecration of a photo of the Governor and baby Trig that has become an iconic representation of a mother’s love for a special needs child,” Palin spokeswoman Meghan Stapelton said in a statement provided to CNN. “The mere idea of someone doctoring the photo of a special needs baby is appalling.”

(…)

“Babies and children are off limits,” She said. “It is past time to restore decency in politics and real tolerance for all Americans. The Obama Administration sets the moral compass for its party. We ask that special needs children be loved, respected and accepted and that this type of degeneracy be condemned.”

HAHAHAHAHAA. Yeah c’mon Obama, what the hell man, some lady in Alaska photoshopped a radio host’s head onto one of ten million photos of Trig being used as a campaign prop, when will you condemn these… these Degenerates. A DESECRATION! This photo “has become an iconic representation of a mother’s love for a special needs child,” damnit! It’s art, you fools! Art! Really… really good photo we got goin’ here. National fucking treasure.

Yeah, I think “desecration” is perhaps a little… presumptuous, as if Sarah thinks she’s the Madonna and Trig is the Second Coming.  It’s just a throwaway bit of visual snark by a blogger who thinks she’s an idiot – Palin shouldn’t even deign to respond to it, but instead she’s lashing out like it’s some kind of sacrilegious attack on MOTHERHOOD ITSELF.

Epic perspective fail, or desperate attempt to prolong her long-expired fifteen minutes?  I don’t really care, I just want it to stop.

Unless she runs for president, in which case I want her to be comically outraged at nothing ALL THE TIME.

(h/t WT)

June 25th, 2009 at 07:27pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Palin,Republicans,Wankers

This Explains A Lot…

civics-or-basic-math

(From Superpoop)

1 comment June 25th, 2009 at 11:23am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Elections,Politics

Headline Of The Day

On the NY Daily News homepage:

‘You have urinated on my jacket,’ said the president to the monkey

June 25th, 2009 at 07:19am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Great Headlines,Weirdness


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