Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

5 comments June 24th, 2009at 07:03am Posted by Eli

The Most Important Online Quiz You Will Ever Take:

Dr. Wallace Trantham says he has hypnotized hundreds of subjects and found that a significant percentage of people remember living on another planet before their existence here on Earth.

Based on his experience, he believes that one out of 10 Americans are born-again aliens.

“These people describe experiences on a variety of planets ranging from dry desert spheres to cold, sunless moons to lush, vegetation-covered places somewhat like our Earth,” says Dr. Trantham, a New Yorker who is writing a book on his theories.

“These people have no conscious memory of their space alien lives, but exhibit distinctive characteristics that reveal their alien past.”

People who answer yes to three or more of these twelve questions have almost certainly lived on another planet:

1. Do you have out-of-body experiences and/or a frequent sense of having experienced something before?
Both phenomena are probably memories of your other-world life breaking through.

2. Do you have a great love of animals?
This probably stems from your unconscious knowledge that life comes in different varieties, including the form you took yourself on another planet.

3. Do you love fruit and/or vegetables?
The diet of most aliens excludes meat. In your earthly life, then, you continue to show a preference for the foods you were used to eating as an alien.

4. Do you have a fear of telephones?
Extraterrestrials are used to communicating with mental telepathy and mechanical instruments like the telephone boggle them. You still have this subconscious discomfort with the telephone.

5. Do you suffer from thinning hair or baldness?
Most extraterrestrials are hairless and you carry vestiges of that trait into Earthly life.

6. Do you have dental problems or problems with your tongue and throat?
Extraterrestrials usually have very small mouths, so in earthly life they have trouble with their mouths and throats.

7. Do you dislike wearing clothes?
Are you happiest when you’re stripped down to a bathing suit or nothing at all? That’s because in your extraterrestrial life, you wore no clothing.

8. Are you not particularly wild about sex?
You probably got this trait from your otherworldy life in which reproduction is a sexless process.

9. Do you crave sesame seeds or egg yolks?
Both these foods contain vitamin T, a nutrient that helps born-again aliens in the forming of badly need blood platelets.

10. Are you obsessively clean?
Alien worlds are usually germ-free and immaculate. In earthly life, aliens have a great deal of trouble dealing with dirt.

11. Are you unemotional?
This is a carryover from the super rational, unemotional mentality of the extraterrestrial.

12. Do you snore?
Aliens often make a purring sound much like a human snore.

I think I’m… borderline.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


  • 1. Charles  |  June 25th, 2009 at 1:16 am

    I’m sure you’re borderline, Eli.

    I think there might be two kinds of aliens represented on the lists: vegan, nudist animal-lovers versus unemotional, sexless snorers. They probably had a gigantic battle with ray guns and blew up the known universe before becoming castaways with Neanderthals.

    It’s just a theory.

  • 2. A test you must take &laq&hellip  |  June 25th, 2009 at 1:19 am

    […] Posted by Charles II on June 25, 2009 Eli has it. […]

  • 3. Phoenix Woman  |  June 25th, 2009 at 8:48 am

    Charles FTW!

  • 4. MEC  |  June 25th, 2009 at 9:19 am

    The test should include the question, “Were you unpopular in school?” Feeling out of place in human social milieus is a clue you don’t belong on this planet.

  • 5. Are You an Outerspace Ali&hellip  |  June 25th, 2009 at 11:19 pm

    […] know this blog is suppose to be about archaeology, but I just found this test that tells if you had a past life as an alien from another planet. It’s too much fun to pass […]

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