Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

July 8th, 2009at 07:17am Posted by Eli


Weekly World News scoops the world (as usual) on Palin’s post-resignation plans:

Sarah Palin resigned as Governor of Alaska last week.  In a startling press conference, she has revealed her new mission: hunting Bigfoot.

Sarah Palin has officially resigned as Governor of Alaska, in a move she swears has nothing to do with an ongoing police investigation.  Residents of the state, in an outpouring of support, took to the streets waving signs saying “We Love You Sarah!” and pictures of bikini models with her face glued on.  Palin gave her last speech as Governor in her favorite bar; out of respect, hot wings were half off for the next hour.

Over the weekend Palin held the much anticipated press conference to announce her new project.  Inviting members of the press into her home yet again, she brought them into her previously unseen trophy room.  After several minutes of down-homey speaking and adorably incorrect grammar, she removed the sheet hanging behind her to reveal the mounted heads of a dozen sasquatches and several other cryptids.  “My new purpose in life” she said “is to bring the joy of hunting these elusive creatures to as many people as possible!”

In the official press packet delivered to media outlets, Palin’s plan was more clearly outlined.  She hopes to advocate the mass hunting of Bigfoot in America.  Starting in Alaska she will work to not only remove limits on hunting the endangered species, but encourage as many people as possible to do so.  “The existence of this so-called ‘Missing Link’ is a slap in the face to God, and the faith of real Americans.”


Once done in Alaska, she hopes to move on to other states, encouraging the hunting of other animals whose existence calls to question a literal interpretation of the Bible.  Placed upon her wall were the heads of a dozen Sasquatches, several Chupacabra, the horn of a narwhal, and one Jersey Devil.

Heads of the Mutant Anti-Defamation League are up in arms over this move.  They believe that encouraging violence towards these creatures could easily lead to people hunting mutants as well.  Environmental groups are also furious at the ecological impact of intentionally hunting several rare species into extinction.

In response to questions raised by these groups, Palin simply shrugged and smiled, saying, “I just gotta be me!”

Ed Anger is, predictably, heartbroken.

Entry Filed under: Palin,Weekly World News

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