Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

1 comment September 30th, 2009at 11:24am Posted by Eli


The Weekly World News has the inside scoop on Sarah Palin’s Hong Kong speech:

Sarah Palin spoke to a group of private Chinese investors in Hong Kong [last Wednesday]. Despite glaring ignorance about the region, the audience, and the topic at hand, the group found her folksy and charming.

“I’m going to call it like I see it,” she said early in her speech, “and I will share with you candidly a view right from Main Street, Main Street U.S.A.  First there’s a deli on the corner, next to that is the barber shop…”  She then went on to describe her  hometown for the next 20 minutes.  The assembled group of Chinese investors were bewildered, and a little disappointed.  “We hired her to get a perspective on rural America, not just her town.”  While Palin was mid-way through a story about the first time she made out outside a Dairy Queen, an aide whispered in her ear and she moved on with the speech.

“Ya know, our cultures are very different, but we share common dreams.  Where I come from, in America, we look up to mavericks who drift away from the herd.  Here, ya’ll are like those terracotta soldiers.  You respect same-ey-ness.  But we can all agree that we strive for the same dreams: free-market economic opportunity without government regulation.”  At this the group of investors applauded loudly.

Finding new energy, Palin’s speech rambled on for an extra 15 minutes, about how the investors should channel the strength of the ancient samurai, about the tragedy of David Carradine’s death, about the one Asian couple in Alaska that she’s “pretty sure” are Chinese, how popular Pad Thai is around the world, and how “it’s great America and China can come together like this after we kicked your butt in the war.”

The assembled investors seemed confused but enjoyed the speech thoroughly.  “After years of living outside an American hegemony, it’s wonderful to see this is the person who almost ran your country.”  Another anonymous guest said, “Oh she was great!  I wanna hire her for my kid’s birthday!”

Yeah, I’m thinking the unwitting clown theory just might have been right after all…

Entry Filed under: Palin,Weekly World News

1 Comment

  • 1. Woody  |  September 30th, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    do not misunderestimate the attractions this dizzy bint possesses for the Average Murkin.

    She may be dumb as a pithed frog, but that will not prevent the Owners from using her (again) to further their decades’-long efforts to discredit and delegitimize the very notions of “democracy.” She could be “Murka’s First Woman President”–in an act of unabashed irony–without much of a stretch of imagination, if you take the incipient failures of Obama’s first (and possibly only) term, magnify them (per the SCUM/Cabloids), and increase national economic and political instability.

    Put her on a ticket with someone slightly MORE plausible–Huckabee? Jebbee?–and she’s got a 50-50 chance, in a climate of h eightened insecurity…

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