Archive for November 4th, 2009

Whooooo!!!

Yankees!!!  Whoooooooo!!!!!

That is all.

2 comments November 4th, 2009 at 11:51pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Sports

Disturbing Word Choice Of The Day

Michele Bachmann continues to creep me right out:

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) told Fox’s Sean Hannity that she hoped all of his viewers would join her for a press conference outside the Capitol on Thursday and then walk with her “through Cannon, Longworth, Rayburn,” where they would go “up and down through the halls, find members of Congress, look at the whites of their eyes and say, ‘Don’t take away my health care.’”

So let’s see: Bachmann’s genius idea is to bring the town hall crazy right into the halls of Congress.  One of the distinguishing features of the town hall crazy was teabaggers conspicuously packing heat.  Which makes her usage of the phrase “whites of their eyes” – most commonly associated with “don’t fire until you see the” – more than a little alarming.

I guess I could be reading too much into it – it’s such an innocuous, commonly-used phrase, after all.

Oh, and it looks like I’m not the only one who thinks Bachmann is a nut:

The aide who helped turn Rep. Michele Bachmann into a controversial mainstay of cable news has informed colleagues that she’s quitting — just as the firebrand Republican congresswoman prepares for her biggest media moment yet.

Multiple sources have confirmed that Michelle Marston, a veteran Hill aide, is leaving Bachmann’s office.

In an e-mail exchange with POLITICO, Marston declined to say why she’s going.

“I’m just not talking about it, and frankly I don’t think there’s a story here,” Marston wrote….

(…)

A conservative Republican House member, speaking on the condition of anonymity, suggested that Bachmann’s views — and her willingness to state them — make it hard for her to keep staff.

“When your captain’s crazy, it’s time to find a new ship,” the lawmaker said.

Well, unless you’re crazy yourself…

November 4th, 2009 at 08:31pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Quotes,Republicans,Wankers

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging, Part II

More detail on the A-Rod centaur portrait story:

News has broken that Alex Rodriguez has a portrait of himself as a centaur above his bed. After being ridiculed over this in the media, Rodriguez wants to set the record straight.

“It’s about my persecution, my pain.” said Rodriguez to Weekly World News.  “You see here the centaur is misunderstood.  He exists in a world of strength and grace beyond regular men, and they fear him for it.  So he is hunted.”

Rodriguez pointed to a picture where he is a half human half horse, next to a beautiful woman holding a large axe.  “Her there, she represents the media.  Ready to cut him to pieces to satisfy the masses.  I wanted her to look like Connie Chung but my lawyer said no.”

Like the parable of his portrait Rodriguez has been ridiculed in the media for the past week over the piece.  Numerous sources are inferring that A-Rod is incredibly vain.  “It’s just like the picture!” cried Rodriguez.  He was so emotionally shaken he almost dropped the porcelain cup he was serving reporters tea with.

“Everyone wants to be David who took down Goliath.  I have a sensitive side!  Look, my collection of leather bound Jane Austen novels!  I’m not just a athlete brute obsessed with his own power, I have feelings!  See?”  At this he pointed out a second portrait of himself as a centaur.  This time he was happily frolicking through the English countryside hand in hand with a centaur version of Emily Dickenson.  “Oh Emily, you understand my pain like no other.”

Criticism over the paintings is due mostly to the World Series, which is still under way.  Once the championship is over the fury is expected to die down.  “Until then,” A-Rod concluded, “I shall hide my tears like a warrior.”

Life can be so unfair.  But at least he’s hitting this postseason.

November 4th, 2009 at 11:25am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging, Part I

Perhaps the Democrats are a little too excited about the House healthcare bill…

Democrats finally presented the health care reform bill yesterday and then celebrated into the early hours this morning.

(…)

To celebrate Democrat leadership went on a massive bender last night.  Senators and congressmen are thought to be involved in numerous cases of disorderly conduct, noise violations, pubic indecency, and the theft of a several farm animals.  Nancy Pelosi in particular is wanted for questioning by the FBI.

Harry Reid is believed to have started the entire ordeal by bringing a case of champagne to the private chambers of the Senate for a toast.  Not long after the celebration turned raucous and two junior congressmen were carrying in the Congressional Beer Pong table.  Credit Card statements show that Mr. Reid purchased some farm equipment from a Super Wal-Mart at 2:30am.  He is believed to be involved in the appearance of a dozen farm animals that mysteriously showed up on Mitch McConnell’s lawn painted with the phrase “Tough Tacos!”  There is still no word on exactly where the animals were stolen from.

Park police reported seeing several middle aged men streaking across the Washington Mall.  None of the men were apprehended and no positive IDs were made.  However they were heard to be shouting “Public Option!” repeatedly.

Rahm Emanuel and Nancy Pelosi are shown on security camera footage renting a limousine shortly before midnight.  Pelosi and Emanuel were seen standing out of the sun roof singing along to “Pokerface” by Lady Gaga.  Several noise residential complaints were called in on to the Speaker of the House.  This limousine is also thought to be responsible for multiple moonings throughout the Metro DC area.  According to witnesses as the vehicle went by, every window of the stretch limousine had a bare backside pressed up against the glass.  Three old women are in the hospital this morning due to shock from the sight.

Details are scarce but the FBI would like to speak with Ms. Pelosi regarding a few flaming bags of excrement that were left on the doorstep of the Indian Embassy.

Democrats have all reported in to work this morning, most with dark sunglasses and large cups of coffee.  As of yet no Democrats have made an official statement about last night.

I never thought I would find myself wishing I lived in DC.

November 4th, 2009 at 07:05am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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