Archive for April 11th, 2010

Ten Things I Learned From Mega Piranha

(Skip ahead to about the one-minute mark for THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER)

So when I heard that SyFy was going to be presenting a movie called Mega Piranha, starring Greg Brady and Tiffany, I was fairly certain that it would be The Most Awesome Movie Ever Made, with the possible exception of Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, which starred Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. But I got more. A lot more.

So without further ado, here is some of the Vital Knowledge I was able to glean from this Brilliant Cinematic Masterpiece:

1) It is possible to fend off a swarm of giant mutant piranha with either a hunting knife or bicycle kicks (see video above for documentary proof).

2) It is possible to construct a movie in which the guy who played Greg Brady is the best actor present.

3) Tiffany makes Debbie Gibson look like Meryl Streep.

4) The Orinoco River is full of coral reefs.

5) Giant mutant piranha are are asexual hermaphrodites that double in size every 1 to 36 hours and don’t mind saltwater or nuclear explosions. They have two hearts, three stomachs, no blood vessels in their eyes, and are made of stem cells. Or something.

6) Giant mutant piranha can grow large enough to eat helicopters, submarines, battleships, shady diplomats, research scientists, and TV reporters.

7) Giant mutant piranha like to jump through the air while swimming, for no apparent reason.

8) Giant mutant piranha will often leap onto land in search of food, often embedding themselves in buildings.

9) If you kill one giant mutant piranha, the rest will ignore all other prey and kill each other fighting over its corpse.

10) Did I mention the bicycle kicks?

6 comments April 11th, 2010 at 03:14pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Monday Media Blogging,Movies,Weirdness

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