Archive for April 21st, 2010

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

What’s “OOOOOMMMM” spelled backwards?

“Cows put up with a lot of discomfort to give us milk,” said fifty-year-old dairy farmer Bill Fuller.  “The growth hormones, the uncomfortable living conditions, the constant tugging.  I’ve never approved of that, which is why I developed a method of milking that not only eases the cows’ burden but yields a superior product.”

For the past two months, Fuller and his wife, Kelly, have been teaching their cows to meditate.


At five o’clock each morning, the Fullers go to their pasture and instruct their bovines on the intricacies of Hatha yoga.

“We teach them proper breathing, relaxed body positioning, and how to clear their minds,” said Fuller.  “That last one is pretty easy since cows don’t have much to think about.  We took them off hormones and allowed them to roam the ranch freely all day, rather than stay cooped up in a barn.  After one month they were yielding twice as much milk and it was the creamiest I’d ever tasted.”

As the fame of Fuller’s farm grew, people from all over the state visited to watch the meditating cows.

“I explained that there’s not much to see,” said Fuller.  “A meditating cow is hard to distinguish from a regular one.  They all look pretty vacant, most of the time.  It’s all in the breathing.”

Fuller has already started developing his own brand of dairy products to distinguish them from the rest.

“I don’t want our dairy to get lost in the mix,” said Fuller.  “Our first product should be in grocery stores in the next month.  I think people are going to be thrilled with the taste of our ‘yogart.'”

Next up: Pilatage Cheese.

April 21st, 2010 at 08:28pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

Obama Will Choose Who He Wants For Supreme Court

I know we’re supposed to read this as “Obama will choose a progressive because the GOP will obstruct him no matter what he does,” but I’m reading it as “Obama will choose a pro-corporate centrist because he likes pro-corporate centrists, not because he’s afraid of Republican obstruction.”  So if he makes a lousy pick, it’s because he wants to, not because he’s trying to placate the GOP.  (It’s like healthcare reform all over again…)

Also, this just cracked me right up:

The White House seems confident that because Democrats allowed votes on President George W. Bush’s nominees, the 41 Senate Republicans won’t stand in the way with the highly unusual judicial filibuster this year.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  Good luck with that, guys.

April 21st, 2010 at 06:17pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Judiciary,Obama,Politics,Republicans

At Least They’re Consistent

Texas Attorney General fights to prevent the dissolution of a marriage he doesn’t believe in in the first place:

After the joy of a wedding and the adoption of a baby came arguments that couldn’t be resolved, leading Angelique Naylor to file for divorce. That left her fighting both the woman she married in Massachusetts and the state of Texas, which says a union granted in a state where same-sex marriage is legal can’t be dissolved with a divorce in a state where it’s not.

A judge in Austin granted the divorce, but Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott is appealing the decision. He also is appealing a divorce granted to a gay couple in Dallas, saying protecting the “traditional definition of marriage” means doing the same for divorce.

Bad enough that gays have been allowed to undermine the sanctity of traditional marriage, but now they want to undermine the sanctity of traditional divorce too?  This must not stand, man!

April 21st, 2010 at 11:31am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Judiciary,Teh Gay


The right-wing hysteria over Obama coming to take their guns away reminds me an awful lot of their hysteria over Obama reviving the Fairness Doctrine to take their Rush Limbaughs away.  Not only has Obama not taken any action in that direction, he hasn’t even talked about taking any action in that direction.

Surely the right can find enough to criticize in what Obama has actually done or talked about doing?

1 comment April 21st, 2010 at 07:10am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Obama,Politics,Republicans,Wankers

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