Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

April 21st, 2010at 08:28pm Posted by Eli

What’s “OOOOOMMMM” spelled backwards?

“Cows put up with a lot of discomfort to give us milk,” said fifty-year-old dairy farmer Bill Fuller.  “The growth hormones, the uncomfortable living conditions, the constant tugging.  I’ve never approved of that, which is why I developed a method of milking that not only eases the cows’ burden but yields a superior product.”

For the past two months, Fuller and his wife, Kelly, have been teaching their cows to meditate.


At five o’clock each morning, the Fullers go to their pasture and instruct their bovines on the intricacies of Hatha yoga.

“We teach them proper breathing, relaxed body positioning, and how to clear their minds,” said Fuller.  “That last one is pretty easy since cows don’t have much to think about.  We took them off hormones and allowed them to roam the ranch freely all day, rather than stay cooped up in a barn.  After one month they were yielding twice as much milk and it was the creamiest I’d ever tasted.”

As the fame of Fuller’s farm grew, people from all over the state visited to watch the meditating cows.

“I explained that there’s not much to see,” said Fuller.  “A meditating cow is hard to distinguish from a regular one.  They all look pretty vacant, most of the time.  It’s all in the breathing.”

Fuller has already started developing his own brand of dairy products to distinguish them from the rest.

“I don’t want our dairy to get lost in the mix,” said Fuller.  “Our first product should be in grocery stores in the next month.  I think people are going to be thrilled with the taste of our ‘yogart.'”

Next up: Pilatage Cheese.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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