Archive for May 12th, 2010

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

Kids’ letters to Bat Boy!

Since Bat Boy has a rather limited vocabulary – consisting primarily of “Scree! Scree!” – we have taken the liberty of interpreting his answers.

Dear Bat Boy:
We were learning about bats in class and my teacher said bats like to eat bugs.  Is that true?  If so, what bugs do you like to eat?

Renny Harker ,(age seven),
Piscataway, N.J.

Bat Boy prefers ‘human’ food, especially hot dogs with sauerkraut.  He said he gets plenty of bug parts in every bite.

(…)

Dear Bat Boy:
How come you have such big ears?  I thought bats used elocution [sic] to see in the dark?

Debbie Duell, (age eight),
Sharon, Conn.

Bat Boy uses his oversized ears to echolocate – which is a bat’s version of sonar.  To actually see in the dark he uses a flashlight.

(…)

Dear Bat Boy:
You know what would be awesome?  If you and Bigfoot became professional wrestlers.  You could be a tag team.  Bigfoot could pick you up and throw you at opponents!  When you see Bigfoot ask him what he thinks.

Tony Rocca, (age twelve),
Metaire, La.

Bat Boy is scared of Bigfoot, so it is unlikely they would team up.

(…)

Dear Bat Boy:
What’s your favorite ball club?

Leon Snyder, (age seven),
Oahu, Hawaii

The Batavia Muckdogs in the minor league Penn Division.

Dear Bat Boy:
All bats got wings.  How come you don’t got ’em?

‘Bat, Bat’ Leroy Browne, (age six),
Sprang, Ga.

Some scientists believe that Bat Boy’s wings will sprout when he reaches adulthood.

Dear Bat Boy:
Do you have a sister?  Is she a Girl-Bat, too?  I hate my sister.  She’s always taking my copy of Weekly World News and making paper dolls out of it.  If I were a bat, I’d bite her!

Bobby Neville, (age nine),
Matheson, Nev.

Bat Boy doesn’t approve of violence.  He suggests you buy two copies of Weekly World News – one for sis and one for yourself.

My hero.

May 12th, 2010 at 07:46pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

Wanker Of The Day

Pete Peterson:

While a Social Security fix would cure only a small part of the country’s long-term fiscal shortfall, it could pay big dividends in terms of the U.S. standing internationally, deficit hawks say. “It would be a confidence builder with our foreign lenders,” said Pete Peterson at a recent fiscal summit organized by his foundation, the Peter G. Peterson Foundation.

In other words, Peterson doesn’t think cutting Social Security would actually fix the deficit – he just thinks cutting Social Security is awesome.  Which, as Dean Baker points out, it’s not.

May 12th, 2010 at 11:11am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Economy,Politics,Republicans,Social Security,Wankers

What I Would Say If I Knew What I Was Talking About

It has always really, really bugged me how Republicans claim the mantle of being the Christian party, even though their policies and demeanor are pretty much the exact opposite of everything Jesus stood for, but not having much of a religious background I can’t really be much more specific than referring to me general impression that Jesus stood for things like peace, love, charity and compassion.

Well, Mike Lux can, and the result is pretty awesome.  You should check it out.

May 12th, 2010 at 08:02am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Politics,Religion,Republicans


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