Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

May 12th, 2010at 07:46pm Posted by Eli

Kids’ letters to Bat Boy!

Since Bat Boy has a rather limited vocabulary – consisting primarily of “Scree! Scree!” – we have taken the liberty of interpreting his answers.

Dear Bat Boy:
We were learning about bats in class and my teacher said bats like to eat bugs.  Is that true?  If so, what bugs do you like to eat?

Renny Harker ,(age seven),
Piscataway, N.J.

Bat Boy prefers ‘human’ food, especially hot dogs with sauerkraut.  He said he gets plenty of bug parts in every bite.

(…)

Dear Bat Boy:
How come you have such big ears?  I thought bats used elocution [sic] to see in the dark?

Debbie Duell, (age eight),
Sharon, Conn.

Bat Boy uses his oversized ears to echolocate – which is a bat’s version of sonar.  To actually see in the dark he uses a flashlight.

(…)

Dear Bat Boy:
You know what would be awesome?  If you and Bigfoot became professional wrestlers.  You could be a tag team.  Bigfoot could pick you up and throw you at opponents!  When you see Bigfoot ask him what he thinks.

Tony Rocca, (age twelve),
Metaire, La.

Bat Boy is scared of Bigfoot, so it is unlikely they would team up.

(…)

Dear Bat Boy:
What’s your favorite ball club?

Leon Snyder, (age seven),
Oahu, Hawaii

The Batavia Muckdogs in the minor league Penn Division.

Dear Bat Boy:
All bats got wings.  How come you don’t got ’em?

‘Bat, Bat’ Leroy Browne, (age six),
Sprang, Ga.

Some scientists believe that Bat Boy’s wings will sprout when he reaches adulthood.

Dear Bat Boy:
Do you have a sister?  Is she a Girl-Bat, too?  I hate my sister.  She’s always taking my copy of Weekly World News and making paper dolls out of it.  If I were a bat, I’d bite her!

Bobby Neville, (age nine),
Matheson, Nev.

Bat Boy doesn’t approve of violence.  He suggests you buy two copies of Weekly World News – one for sis and one for yourself.

My hero.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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