Archive for June 16th, 2010

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

It’s like the Exorcist version of “Man Bites Dog”…

When famed exorcist, Father Henry Flapps, received an urgent call to rescue the victim of demonic possession, he was completely unprepared for what happened.

“I arrived at the location at three a.m. and discovered that the request had come from a group of Satanists,” said Flapps.  “They were gathered in a small, black barn that that had been transformed into a demonic church on the fringe of a dark woodland.  Despite my reservations, I followed them into a hayloft that was decorated like a young girl’s bedroom.  There, I witnessed the most astonishing sight I could have imagined: a horned demon, sitting on the floor, legs crossed, combing a doll’s hair.”

The embarrassed Satanists explained that earlier that evening the novice demon, Revadac, had attempted to possess a little girl who lived in town.

“We didn’t realize that Revedac was dyspossessive – the demon equivalent of dyslexic,” Satanic leader Derrick Nethers told the priest.  “Because of this, he accidentally brought the girl’s spirit into his own body.  To save the demon – and, uh, of course to help the girl – we didn’t know who else to turn to other than the church.  Yours, I mean.”


“I knew that conventional exorcism rites wouldn’t work, so I had to improvise,” said Flapp.  “I first told the girl, whose name was Ashly, that her mother and father wanted very badly to see her again.”

Unfortunately the Ashly-possessed demon was too preoccupied primping her doll to be moved by Flapps’ appeal to her sense of family.

“I realized I had to arouse her more fundamental desires,” said Flapp.  “As much as it repelled me, I repeatedly made offers of vast amounts of ice cream and candy to coax her from the demon’s body.  I reasoned that, after all, this is sort of what we do when it comes to talking up the afterlife.”

After three exhausting hours, Flapp managed to draw Ashly from Revedac and sent her back to her own body, which was still asleep.

“I was overjoyed to have saved Ashly’s soul,” said Flapps.  “I also took some pride hearing that Revdac lost quite a few demon friends during an evening of hopscotch and tea parties.”

Tea parties will do that, all right…

June 16th, 2010 at 10:18pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

Labor Is The New Gay

It’s not just gays and Florida businesses that get to enjoy the fruits of Obama’s Fierce Advocacy…

Dem leaders have no plans to create a new carve-out that would exempt labor organizations from a sweeping campaign finance disclosure bill, DCCC chair Chris Van Hollen told Hotline OnCall in an interview Tuesday evening.

Labor groups have voiced concerns over the DISCLOSE Act, a legislative response to the Supreme Court’s Citizens United v. FEC decision earlier this year that dramatically loosened campaign finance laws. The legislation would require corporations and labor groups that run political advertisements to disclose far more about their donors than they must currently.

One carve-out, announced on Monday after marathon negotiations between Van Hollen and Rep. Heath Shuler (D-NC) and the National Rifle Association, exempted a small number of large organizations from disclosure requirements. That deal has mollified the NRA, removing what would have been a significant roadblock to the legislation’s success, but it irritated progressive Dems in the House, which oppose the NRA.

Campaign finance advocates are not happy about the deal, but they still support the legislation. Labor leaders, which will not get a similar compromise, have yet to endorse the bill.

“We will be continuing to meet with our members,” Van Hollen said Tuesday. “We’re working to address everyone’s reasonable concerns, and I think we’re making progress.”

But, he said, other groups aren’t likely to get the same deal that the NRA — along with the Humane Society and the AARP — won.

“Looking at it, it would be a mistake to eliminate all [501(c)(4)] organizations from the conversation,” Van Hollen said. “That’s why we settled on a provision that said, for well-established C4 organizations that have dues-paying members that aren’t trying to hide from anybody — that would be the test.”

Asked directly whether that meant labor groups would not receive a carve-out compromise, Van Hollen said: “That is correct.”

Awesome.  How’s that hold-your-fire-on-the-healthcare-bill-in-exchange-for-EFCA strategy been working out for you guys?  It appears that our two-party system now offers us a choice between The Anti-Labor Party and… The Other Anti-Labor Party.

June 16th, 2010 at 11:42am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Uncategorized

Obey Obey

This is great framing by Obey:

Talks were under way Tuesday to extricate the administration by coming up with offsets to pay for new education assistance to avert teacher layoffs this fall. At the same time, renewed efforts began to salvage a $24 billion package of state Medicaid assistance, even if it means paring back a proposed 18-month fix of Medicare reimbursements for physicians.

The backdrop in both cases is a Saturday night letter from Obama calling for action on education and Medicaid assistance but giving no direction on how to pay for them — or how to win support in a deficit-conscious Congress. Leaked in advance to the Sunday newspapers, the letter caught party leaders by surprise, and with Obama largely absent from both fights to date, it was widely seen by Democrats as more political showmanship at their expense by the administration.

Clearly annoyed, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) called White House congressional liaison Phil Schiliro to her office Monday, and House Appropriations Committee Chairman Dave Obey served notice that he would withhold action on Obama’s new war funding until the dust clears on domestic spending issues.


Obey has been central to the fight over education aid and, in an interview, drew a direct link between war funding and progress on domestic priorities.

He said he would withhold action on the war funds until there was some resolution on a major economic relief bill extending jobless benefits for the long-term unemployed and popular tax breaks for individuals and businesses.

I love this because holding war funding hostage is a not-so-subtle reminder that the supposed fiscal conservatism that the Republicans and conservadems use as an excuse to block any kind of stimulus or relief is a complete sham that magically evaporates wherever military spending is concerned.  Barney Frank has been doing much the same thing with the deficit commission, agitating and gadflying to remind them that Social Security isn’t the only government entity that spends a whole bunch of money.

Plus Social Security does a lot more good, and is, in fact, already paid for.

June 16th, 2010 at 07:22am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Afghanistan,Democrats,Economy,Obama,Politics

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