Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

June 2nd, 2010at 11:10am Posted by Eli

See a need and fill it – Weekly World News interviews Matthew Morris, head of ClownAir:

WWN: Your new airline, ClownAir, certainly has a lot of people talking!

MM: Well, the premise is based on my experience in the circus – and by that I don’t mean cramming as many people into a vehicle as possible!  Rather, the big top is always filled with happy, relaxed people.  Airplanes are generally packed with tense, uncomfortable people.  The solution was obvious: to staff airplanes with circus clowns.

WWN: But not only in service positions?

MM: No, all of them.  Ticketers, flight attendants and pilots.

WWN: Doesn’t that endanger the passengers?  I mean, suppose the pilot’s nose falls off –

MM: That doesn’t happen.  We’re professionals.  All staff members are qualified airline personnel whom I have personally trained to be clowns.  They’re quite competent at flying and maintaining an airplane and taking pratfalls as they serve you drinks.

WWN: So they don’t simply go about their duties in clown costumes?

MM: No, they do so much more.  The trip starts with all of the clown attendants piling out of the lavatory.  Since there are eight attendants squeezed in there, it always gets a laugh.  They’ll often trip down the aisles, spill drinks on each other, and do the normal things that clowns do.  These just happen to be thirty thousand feet in the air.

WWN: What about people who want to sleep, or just read without all the distractions?

MM: We have soundproof red wigs for passengers who want them, though we don’t have many of those.  We advertise exactly what the experience will be.  ClownAir caters to families – the ones with crying babies.  Everyone knows it’s going to be a flying circus.

(…)

MM: In case of an emergency, seltzer bottles fall from above so the passengers can spray themselves and stay cool and alert.  In addition, we keep custard pies handy to foil hijackers.  And our horns are not just for entertainment.  They’re used to alert the rest of the crew if there’s trouble.

WWN: Does it make passengers nervous to see pilots with white makeup, red noses, and oversized shoes?

MM: No, no.  Just because they’re clowns, it doesn’t mean they fly by the seat of their pants.  In fact, they often fly with their pants down.

So… it’s kind of a two-wing circus.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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