Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

June 23rd, 2010at 09:48pm Posted by Eli

Great Moments In Culture edition:

SYDNEY, Australia – The Light Speed Opera House has a revolutionary new show in previews – a real space opera!

“For years we’ve struggled to maintain our identity in the shadow of the much larger Sydney Opera House,” impresario Jonathan Drake told Weekly World News.  “When I was approached by aliens from the Cygnus System to mount a production of their classic space opera, The Tentacle Groomer of Sigma-Seven, I leapt at the chance.”

The libretto details how Lar, the wealthy tentacle groomer, feigns poverty to find true love.  Disguised as a neutron disposal chef aboard The Sigma-Seven star cruiser, he meets and woos a luckless thrall worm.  Tragically, during a battle with space pirates, his beloved is killed.  Luckily, thrall worms can regenerate – just in time for the finale.

“More important than the hoary plot are the transcendent music and and splendid voices of the Cygnian performers,” Drake enthused.

“The thrall worm is sung by Adra, an Omega-Soprano from Nebula M-78.  She hits notes far beyond the range of human hearing.  Her voice doesn’t just shatter glass but actually melts it within a ten-meter radius.  We’ve had to replace our chandelier with one made of plastic.

“The pivotal role of the tentacle groomer is sung by Bar Parse-Five, a renowned Pulsar Tenor.  His voice is beyond mellifluous.  Parse-Five’s complex phrasing can actually cause earthquakes.  During his solo, ‘Sepulchral Activity of a Multiple Heart,’ tremors were detected as far away as Perth.”

Since the opera is performed in its native Cygnian, crawling subtitles are available for those who wish to read them.

“They really do crawl,” added Drake.  “They appear on the skin of lizard-like Cygnian Chameleonaries that creep back and forth on the top of the proscenium.”

The space opera is currently in previews and will premiere next month with a gala benefit for Cygnian Children of the Gravity Challenged.

Mmm… thrall worms…

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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