Archive for October 20th, 2010

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

The Weekly World News solicited letters from readers applying for the position of Earth’s ambassador to alien civilizations.  Some of them sound like they may have ulterior motives…

This contest could be the solution to all my problems.  I’m embarrassed to say an E.T. is my baby’s daddy.  His name is Hmpf, and he took off.  None of the government agencies can help me collect child support….  Hmpf comes from Oberon, a moon of Uranus.  It’s not that far, I hope I can catch a ride if they’re going that way.

I’ll never forget my wonderful night with Hmpf.  He stripped off his human disguise and revealed to me that he is a being of pure light energy, giving an aura of light and peace.  What girl could resist?

And now I have his baby.  It’s difficult to care for her because she glows like she has a light bulb inside her.  She’s brighter than a lamp.  I think Hmpf should at least provide disguises for her since he left us stranded here on Earth.  I have to dress her in a cat skin because her eyes are cat-like.  I can’t keep up this charade much longer.  I just hope I can find Hmpf with your help.

Christine Ludke
Richmond, VA

Hmpf, indeed.  Never get involved with a guy who doesn’t have a corporeal form.

3 comments October 20th, 2010 at 06:25pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

Graciousness: I Haz It

Mrs. Clarence Thomas extends the hand of conditional forgiveness:

In a voice mail message left at 7:31 a.m. on Oct. 9, a Saturday, Virginia Thomas asked her husband’s former aide-turned-adversary to make amends. Ms. Hill played the recording, from her voice mail at Brandeis University, for The New York Times.

“Good morning Anita Hill, it’s Ginni Thomas,” it said. “I just wanted to reach across the airwaves and the years and ask you to consider something. I would love you to consider an apology sometime and some full explanation of why you did what you did with my husband.

Ms. Thomas went on: “So give it some thought. And certainly pray about this and hope that one day you will help us understand why you did what you did. O.K., have a good day.”


In a statement conveyed through a publicist, Ms. Thomas confirmed leaving the message, which she portrayed as a peacemaking gesture. She did not explain its timing.

“I did place a call to Ms. Hill at her office extending an olive branch to her after all these years, in hopes that we could ultimately get past what happened so long ago,” she said. “That offer still stands. I would be very happy to meet and talk with her if she would be willing to do the same. Certainly no offense was ever intended.”

What a good Christian woman, offering Ms. Hill the same kind of absolution that Dick Cheney offered to Harry Whittington for getting in the way of his shotgun.  And all Ms. Hill has to do is apologize for being sexually harassed by Ms. Thomas’s husband and then having her name dragged through the muck by his Republican buddies.  How could anyone be churlish and ungrateful enough to spurn such a kind and generous offer?

October 20th, 2010 at 10:10am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Republicans,Wankers

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