Archive for January 12th, 2011

Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

This seems like it could potentially be a good fit:

Glenn Beck announced yesterday that he will be taking his controversial talk-show to China – permanently!

According to inside sources, Chinese media giant CCTV offered Glenn Beck a $3 billion dollar/year contract to move his show to China.

“We believe the Chinese people will embrace Beck’s love of government and respect for authority,” said Jin Yao, VP of Social Relations at CCTV. “He is an expert fearmonger and a skilled propagandist. The People’s Republic of China can only benefit from his scare tactics and fanaticism.”

Representatives from Glenn Beck’s television show, The Glenn Beck Program, say that the deal has already been finalized, and that Beck and his family have already purchased a home in Beijing.

“Glenn Beck is excited for the move,” said Alexandra Dumascis, Beck’s publicist. “He can’t wait to take his political extremism overseas and help the people of China become patriotic, red-blooded Communists.”

“He’s already brushing up on his Mandarin!” she added.


Beck refused to comment to major media outlets about his decision to defect. However, he did make a private call to the Weekly World News office to explain his motives.

“$3 billion dollars is a lot of money,” said Beck. “You’d have to be a complete idiot to turn down that much dough. The American people can complain all they want, but the truth is: I’d sell my soul to the devil for $3 billion bucks!”

What could possibly go wrong?

January 12th, 2011 at 11:58am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

Deceit Or Denial?

Erick Erickson proclaims his righteous Christian innocence:

In addition to insisting that people talking about the attempted assassination of a Jewish public servant should emphasize the importance of “a saving faith in Jesus Christ,” Erick Erickson laments the “extreme rhetoric” of non-Christians:

In all the discussions we’re having, let’s not forget that bad things have happened throughout history, but we are seeing more and more a pattern of violence from those who reject Christ and we are seeing the most extreme rhetoric from those who reject the only real truth while embracing every other historic fad and nonsense as variations of truth.

Erickson is right. Why, just this morning, I came across a quote from a loud-mouthed atheist who denounced former Supreme Court Justice David Souter as a “goat fucking child molester.”

No, wait: That was Erick Erickson. And so was this: “At what point do the people tell the politicians to go to hell? At what point do they get off the couch, march down to their state legislator’s house, pull him outside, and beat him to a bloody pulp for being an idiot?” And it was Erick Erickson who said he’d pull a shotgun on any government employee who tried to make him fill out the American Community Survey, too.

If Erickson’s well-advertised fondness for Christ doesn’t stop him from talking about beating people to a pulp, or pulling guns on them, or from referring to public servants as child molesters, or from presuming to know who God is angry with at any given moment, he should at least take a look at what the Bible has to say about hypocrisy before going on about the “extreme rhetoric” of non-believers.

It sure is a good thing that Sarah Palin and the other teabaggers and violent hate talkers are non-Christians, or Erick would look really stupid!

And then there’s the supposedly Mormon Glenn Beck, who I heard talking about how liberals were making fools of themselves by politicizing violence, and that there was no point telling him to tone down the violent rhetoric because he never uses it.  Really.

I guess he’s forgetting about the time he joked about poisoning Nancy Pelosi’s wine.  Or fantasized about killing Michael Moore.  Or all the times he’s talked about shooting people or getting shot, or driving stakes through people’s hearts.

I dunno, maybe your perspective on what kind of talk is “violent” is different when all the guns are pointing away from you.

1 comment January 12th, 2011 at 07:55am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Media,Politics,Republicans,Wankers

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