Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

January 12th, 2011at 11:58am Posted by Eli

This seems like it could potentially be a good fit:

Glenn Beck announced yesterday that he will be taking his controversial talk-show to China – permanently!

According to inside sources, Chinese media giant CCTV offered Glenn Beck a $3 billion dollar/year contract to move his show to China.

“We believe the Chinese people will embrace Beck’s love of government and respect for authority,” said Jin Yao, VP of Social Relations at CCTV. “He is an expert fearmonger and a skilled propagandist. The People’s Republic of China can only benefit from his scare tactics and fanaticism.”

Representatives from Glenn Beck’s television show, The Glenn Beck Program, say that the deal has already been finalized, and that Beck and his family have already purchased a home in Beijing.

“Glenn Beck is excited for the move,” said Alexandra Dumascis, Beck’s publicist. “He can’t wait to take his political extremism overseas and help the people of China become patriotic, red-blooded Communists.”

“He’s already brushing up on his Mandarin!” she added.

(…)

Beck refused to comment to major media outlets about his decision to defect. However, he did make a private call to the Weekly World News office to explain his motives.

“$3 billion dollars is a lot of money,” said Beck. “You’d have to be a complete idiot to turn down that much dough. The American people can complain all they want, but the truth is: I’d sell my soul to the devil for $3 billion bucks!”

What could possibly go wrong?

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News


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