Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

March 16th, 2011at 11:45am Posted by Eli

It’s unfortunate, but something like this was probably inevitable:

RIO DE JANEIRO – Zombies have overrun the city after zombie ants infected humans.

Ophiocordycps unilateralis once thought to be a brain-manipulating fungus that only affects the minds of ants is now known to affect the minds of humans as well.

The mind altering fungus can remain dormant in the fire ants and black ants for as little as a few hours but may remain dormant in carpenter ants for as much as several weeks before it begins to take over the mind of the ant….

Due to the deforestation of the Brazilian Rainforest many creatures, including ants, have begun infiltrating the cities of Brazil in hopes of finding a new habitat. Several carpenter ants made their way to Rio de Janeiro in hopes of building new colonies within the wooden structures of the city. Many made it to the city just before Carnival began and, unfortunately, just before they fell under the influence of the mind controlling fungus.

As Carnival fired up the zombie ants began to wander aimlessly throughout the city being stepped on left and right. On any other day of the week no one would have even noticed or paid any attention to the dead ants on the streets of Rio. But some unfortunate drunk souls decided to eat some of the dead and some of the live ants allowing the fungus to take control of their minds. These human zombies then began attacking other humans during the festivities causing a massive outbreak. But much of the attacks went unnoticed due to the fact the Carnival can get “pretty f’ing crazy.”…

Additionally, most zombies were not noticed until many days after Carnival had ended since most everyone appeared like the walking dead due to their massive hangovers. Due to the multiple day hangovers caused by Carnival, it has yet to be confirmed how quickly the fungus affects humans.

Brazilian authorities have put the entire country on red alert warning all their citizens to be aware of anyone that may appear intoxicated as this could be the first signs of infection. They have also asked all citizens that if they see any ants anywhere to step on them and immediately burn the bodies with a magnifying glass.

And this is why I never eat ants. Or go to Carnival.

Entry Filed under: Weekly World News

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