Wednesday Why-I-Love-The-Weekly-World-News Blogging

May 11th, 2011at 11:33am Posted by Eli

The Callista Gingrich phenomenon, explained at last:

Today Newt Gingrich announced that his wife, Callista, is in his words a “Stepford Wife.”   Newt told reporters today.  “Soon after I married Callista, I had her brain replaced with a robotic brain.  She does anything I tell her to, which frankly, the way all wives should behave to their husbands.”

Callista has been the most public and the least known of the political partners bracing for the scrutiny of a presidential campaign. In eleven years of marriage, Callista Gingrich has never been the subject of a profile. Gingrich’s aides declined to make her available to any newspapers for an interview, to talk about her or the marriage on the record or on background, or even to suggest friends who might offer a glimpse of the would-be First Lady.

The reason:  Callista is a robot.

Friends say she’s ready for the rigors of Iowa, where she went to college, and a comfortable public performer, if one who has spent much of her time on stage behind a gleaming french horn in the Fairfax City Band.

“The robotic brain I had put in her head, can handle any situation,” said Newt.

“She is much more in the model of a Laura Bush than a Hillary Clinton,” said David Bossie, the president of the conservative group Citizens United and a longtime Gingrich ally. “She just is a strong partner like Laura Bush, was but not out in front like Hillary Clinton was.”

Callista Gingrich is Newt’s third wife.  He was tired of having his wives “talk back” to him and deny him sex.  “Callista will have sex with me whenever I ask her too and she never talks back.  If she starts to talk back, I just say the word “Speaker” and she shuts up. I love her so much.”

When asked where Newt had his wife’s brain replaced with a robotic brain, he said – “That’s something that will come out in the campaign.  I will reveal that on every campaign stop ONLY to the men who promise to vote for me in 2012.”

Newt hopes to win in a landslide.

I am intrigued by the hint that Laura Bush may also be a robot.

Entry Filed under: Elections,Republicans,Weekly World News


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