Close But Not Quite, Part 2

6 comments September 29th, 2011at 11:31am Posted by Eli

Gawker commenter Olaf:

This whole mess is like a really bad 80’s teen movie.

Pakistan and India hate each other — they’re like two high school cheerleader frenemy types.
Pakistan is messing around with Afghanistan because it wants a buffer against India — so Afghanistan is kind of like the hapless geek-boy who gets manipulated by all of the girls. The USA is the popular but dumb-as-rocks jock who need geek-boy Afghanistan’s help to get passing grades. In order to do so, the USA is courting Pakistan like she’s the only pretty girl in town. Which is dumb, because Pakistan is all, like, “whatevs.” What the USA *should* be doing is playing Pakistan against India. Like, the USA should be all “What’s that Pakistan? You won’t put out? And you won’t stop messing with Afghanistan? OK then, I’m not taking you out to Prom [i.e. spending millions on your military], and you know what, maybe I’ll ask India out to the Prom instead! And maybe India and I will totally make out under the bleachers — what do you think about that?”

We do that, and I guarantee you Pakistan will come around real quick. That stupid manipulative cheerleader bitch.

The US is popular??? No, the US is more like the sneering sadistic asshole dumb-as-rocks jock who beats up on nerds just because he can.  And possibly to compensate for feelings of personal inadequacy and/or trouble at home.

Entry Filed under: Afghanistan,Foreign Policy


  • 1. Margaret  |  October 1st, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Remember my imitation of Palin last night at FDL? Well this is too perfect!
    “CARLSON: Let me ask you this, would you be in the camp of having rather captured him…to try to get more information? But then I brought up the fact that under this administration it seems that we don’t prosecute or ask the same questions that we might have under the Bush administration, so would we get anything out of him anyway if we captured him?”

  • 2. Eli  |  October 1st, 2011 at 1:53 pm


    Welcome to my humble abode!

    Ironically, if Awlaki had been captured and tortured Bush-style, that pretty much would have guaranteed a lack of useful information, although he probably would have confessed to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby.

  • 3. Margaret  |  October 1st, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    Just goes to show you, if Obama cured cancer the talking heads on FOX n Friends Fools would be whining about how he must not be pro health care jobs. I’m not an Obama fan but I like to keep my gripes at least loosely grounded in reality.

  • 4. Eli  |  October 1st, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    It just seems foolish to ignore the wealth of factual reasons to hate Obama…

  • 5. Margaret  |  October 1st, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Yep! Conservatives must be saying stupid shit to impress each other because it can’t be an effective recruiting tool.

  • 6. Cujo359  |  October 3rd, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    No matter how many times I look at a map of the region, I can’t figure out how Afghanistan could serve as a buffer between India and Pakistan. Must be some sort of non-Euclidean geometry thing.

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