Archive for July, 2014

Special Guest Sharknado Blogging

As a special treat for all your Sharknado needs, I have obtained an exclusive Sharknado 2 review from the shadowy and mysterious Codename V:

As I recall, I was unable to snark on part one due to it being unexpectedly brilliant and I could find nothing at all to pick apart.

As far as part 2 is concerned, it was expectedly brilliant and equaled the majesty of the first one, and possibly eclipsed it. I cannot decide if Ian Ziering riding a shark through the tornado like a pony and landing on top of the Empire State Building (part two) is more glorious than him chainsawing his way through a shark and saving the woman who had previously been eaten (part one).

Then again, he did manage to reach inside a random shark and come out with a pistol STILL ATTACHED to his ex-wife’s severed hand. He then used the pistol (STILL ATTACHED TO HIS EX-WIFE’S HAND) to kill a shark, and then removed his ex-wife’s ring from her rubbery dead hand and re-proposed to her with it. Not to mention, his ex-wife had by this point replaced her missing hand with a bandsaw. So, I think we have to give part 2 the edge.

Ian Ziering did also repeat his now signature move of chainsawing his way through a shark. As well as sawing a different shark in half with a cool Matrix-esque bullet time effect. And possibly used a few sharks as stepping stones to cross a flooded street, although I could have been hallucinating that.

Sharknado 2 really delivered with the “celebrity” cameos. I felt a kind of catharsis when Kelly Osbourne lost her head, only to find myself shouting “Nooooo!” when Will Wheaton met his end only minutes later. It is fair to say that Sharknado 2 takes the viewer on an emotional roller coaster ride, with both tragic lows and triumphant highs. Jared from Subway was there. He looks exactly the same as he did like 20 years ago, which is a little bit creepy.

There were a couple of moments of predictability. For example, some of the characters were running through a baseball stadium holding baseball bats, and I said “someone is going to hit a shark with a bat.” Sure enough, there was a shark home run. Is this being predictable, or is this giving the audience what they want to see? I think the answer is obvious. I mean it was a SHARK HOME RUN.

The inclusion of Al Roker and Matt Lauer gave the film an air of credibility. The sharknado weather reports, complete with scientifically accurate charts of the shark weather system and probability of shark precipitation helped to visually explain the phenomena.

The cast of supporting characters, including Sugar Ray, Vivica Fox, and that chick who used to be on Remote Control (I loved Remote Control) were used efficiently. It was kind of easy to tell who was going to live or die, based on how emotionally attached they were to Ian Ziering, but I appreciated that. After the painful loss of Will Wheaton in the opening scene, I wasn’t really prepared for any more surprises.

Some minor points:

1. Is it possible to get all of the components one needs for a homemade bomb at a bodega?

2. I feel like the shark home run should have occurred with the giant novelty bat, rather than the normal-sized bat. Why have a giant novelty bat otherwise?

3. I feel like part 3 needs a Henry Rollins cameo. No – not a cameo. Henry Rollins needs to be one of the supporting characters. He may or may not sacrifice himself for the greater good.

4. Why wouldn’t anyone believe Ian Ziering when he said there was about to be another sharknado? I mean it had already happened once. How much proof do people need?

In conclusion, Sharknado 2 is the Citizen Kane of Shark Weather System movies.

I can’t add anything to that.

July 31st, 2014 at 05:53pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Monday Media Blogging

And now, a Musical Interlude…

July 28th, 2014 at 08:49pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Monday Media Blogging

Friday Quote & Elephant Blogging

This week’s quote is from Night Of The Demons 3, which I have reason to believe I have seen…

Not all of us can be cheerleaders, you know. Some of us have to work twice as hard to get noticed half as much.

And, of course, there’ll be other people’s wee elephants…

Go home baby elephant, you’re drunk.

July 25th, 2014 at 06:41pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Friday Quote & Cat Blogging

Monday Media Blogging

Awesome but kind of disturbing.

July 21st, 2014 at 06:44am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Monday Media Blogging

Monday Media Blogging

Sometimes a picture is worth just one word…

July 14th, 2014 at 08:27pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Monday Media Blogging


Are any of the right-wing homophobes who are up in arms over the Burger King Pride Burger boycotting Skittles? Because if “Taste The Rainbow” isn’t literally shoving the gay agenda down our throats, I don’t know what is.

July 11th, 2014 at 05:42pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Politics,Republicans,Teh Gay,Wankers

Monday Media Blogging

Do you want to be perceived as rich and cuddly?

July 7th, 2014 at 11:11pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Monday Media Blogging

Friday Quote & Cat Blogging

This week’s quote is from the great Talking Heads musical mockumentary True Stories:

I have something to say about the difference between American and European cities. But I’ve forgotten what it is.

And, of course, there’ll be other people’s patriotic cats…

Happy birthday, America. That is my gift to you.

July 4th, 2014 at 02:45pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Friday Quote & Cat Blogging

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