Posts filed under 'Movies'

Special Guest Sharknado Blogging

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As a special treat for all your Sharknado needs, I have obtained an exclusive Sharknado 2 review from the shadowy and mysterious Codename V:

As I recall, I was unable to snark on part one due to it being unexpectedly brilliant and I could find nothing at all to pick apart.

As far as part 2 is concerned, it was expectedly brilliant and equaled the majesty of the first one, and possibly eclipsed it. I cannot decide if Ian Ziering riding a shark through the tornado like a pony and landing on top of the Empire State Building (part two) is more glorious than him chainsawing his way through a shark and saving the woman who had previously been eaten (part one).

Then again, he did manage to reach inside a random shark and come out with a pistol STILL ATTACHED to his ex-wife’s severed hand. He then used the pistol (STILL ATTACHED TO HIS EX-WIFE’S HAND) to kill a shark, and then removed his ex-wife’s ring from her rubbery dead hand and re-proposed to her with it. Not to mention, his ex-wife had by this point replaced her missing hand with a bandsaw. So, I think we have to give part 2 the edge.

Ian Ziering did also repeat his now signature move of chainsawing his way through a shark. As well as sawing a different shark in half with a cool Matrix-esque bullet time effect. And possibly used a few sharks as stepping stones to cross a flooded street, although I could have been hallucinating that.

Sharknado 2 really delivered with the “celebrity” cameos. I felt a kind of catharsis when Kelly Osbourne lost her head, only to find myself shouting “Nooooo!” when Will Wheaton met his end only minutes later. It is fair to say that Sharknado 2 takes the viewer on an emotional roller coaster ride, with both tragic lows and triumphant highs. Jared from Subway was there. He looks exactly the same as he did like 20 years ago, which is a little bit creepy.

There were a couple of moments of predictability. For example, some of the characters were running through a baseball stadium holding baseball bats, and I said “someone is going to hit a shark with a bat.” Sure enough, there was a shark home run. Is this being predictable, or is this giving the audience what they want to see? I think the answer is obvious. I mean it was a SHARK HOME RUN.

The inclusion of Al Roker and Matt Lauer gave the film an air of credibility. The sharknado weather reports, complete with scientifically accurate charts of the shark weather system and probability of shark precipitation helped to visually explain the phenomena.

The cast of supporting characters, including Sugar Ray, Vivica Fox, and that chick who used to be on Remote Control (I loved Remote Control) were used efficiently. It was kind of easy to tell who was going to live or die, based on how emotionally attached they were to Ian Ziering, but I appreciated that. After the painful loss of Will Wheaton in the opening scene, I wasn’t really prepared for any more surprises.

Some minor points:

1. Is it possible to get all of the components one needs for a homemade bomb at a bodega?

2. I feel like the shark home run should have occurred with the giant novelty bat, rather than the normal-sized bat. Why have a giant novelty bat otherwise?

3. I feel like part 3 needs a Henry Rollins cameo. No – not a cameo. Henry Rollins needs to be one of the supporting characters. He may or may not sacrifice himself for the greater good.

4. Why wouldn’t anyone believe Ian Ziering when he said there was about to be another sharknado? I mean it had already happened once. How much proof do people need?

In conclusion, Sharknado 2 is the Citizen Kane of Shark Weather System movies.

I can’t add anything to that.

July 31st, 2014 at 05:53pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

The Difference

After finally watching the hilariously bad strawmanathon of Atlas Shrugged: Part I, where corrupt CEOs, lobbyists and politicians conspire to make it harder for corporations to make obscene profits, it was really driven home that one of the biggest differences between the right and the left is a fundamental disagreement on who’s mooching and who’s producing.

January 21st, 2013 at 02:44pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Corruption/Cronyism,Movies,Politics,Republicans

I KNEW It Was Dangerous!

Truncated Comcast OnDemand synopsis of Don’t Look Up:

An evil force on the set makes a horror film all too real for a filmmaker and his crew after they unwittingly disco…

Let that be a warning to you all.

1 comment July 19th, 2012 at 05:40pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies,Weirdness

SyFy Saturday Shark Synopses Sampler

Similar!

Dinoshark: “A dinosaur-shark hybrid terrorizes a resort in Mexico, and it’s up to a young fishing boat captain to stop it.”

Super Shark: “A monstrous, bulletproof shark that can walk on land menaces a beach community.” [NOTE: This was awesome.  Walking shark got kicked in the face by a walking tank.]

Shark Zone: “Great white sharks terrorize a beach community, and it’s up to one man to stop them.”

Jersey Shore Shark Attack: “Sharks menace the Jersey shore on July 4th weekend, and it’s up to the locals to stop them.”

2 comments May 30th, 2012 at 07:13am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies

Why The 70s Were The Golden Age Of Movies

Last night I watched a maniacally grinning naked woman on a hospital bed floating in outer space, shooting computer-spirit-powered lasers and fireballs at the Devil in the form of a giant eyeball.

This was shortly after she blew up the 400-year-old reincarnated midget bodybuilder medicine man who recently clawed his way out of her back.

4 comments August 26th, 2011 at 11:28am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Monday Media Blogging

The opening of the hilariously bad 80s horror movie, Necropolis.  The best part of the movie starts at around 3 minute in or so (for context) – bear in mind that this scene supposedly takes place in the 17th century (NSFW).

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Here’s the full playlist, for those who want to watch the whole gloriously cheesy epic.

November 22nd, 2010 at 11:21am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Monday Media Blogging,Movies

Important Movie Alert

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Tomorrow night!  On SyFy at 9!  The Most Awesome Movie Of All Time!  SHARKTOPUS!!!  Join bmaz and I at Emptywheel for the Exciting Sharktopus Liveblogging Adventure!

Also, The Second-Most Awesome Movie Of All Time, Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, will be on at 11AM.

1 comment September 24th, 2010 at 10:18pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Monday Media Blogging

This week’s Monday Media Blogging is a tribute to The Apple, one of the maddest movies of all time (it is probably best described as a psychedelic disco bible allegory).  The trailer does a pretty good job of hitting the highlights, like the National BIM Hour when everyone has to stop what they’re doing and dance (note the guy on the operating table making a game attempt) and the synchronized disco orgy.

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“The Apple” is probably the most insane number in a movie full of them.  Alas, this was the best YouTube I could find.

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June 28th, 2010 at 11:26am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Monday Media Blogging,Movies

Movie Alert

Mega Piranha (starring Tiffany!) is on SyFy tonight at 9:00, and I cannot recommend it enough. It is truly one of the Most Awesome Movies Ever Made.

May 30th, 2010 at 12:06pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Ten Things I Learned From Mega Piranha


(Skip ahead to about the one-minute mark for THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER)

So when I heard that SyFy was going to be presenting a movie called Mega Piranha, starring Greg Brady and Tiffany, I was fairly certain that it would be The Most Awesome Movie Ever Made, with the possible exception of Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, which starred Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas. But I got more. A lot more.

So without further ado, here is some of the Vital Knowledge I was able to glean from this Brilliant Cinematic Masterpiece:

1) It is possible to fend off a swarm of giant mutant piranha with either a hunting knife or bicycle kicks (see video above for documentary proof).

2) It is possible to construct a movie in which the guy who played Greg Brady is the best actor present.

3) Tiffany makes Debbie Gibson look like Meryl Streep.

4) The Orinoco River is full of coral reefs.

5) Giant mutant piranha are are asexual hermaphrodites that double in size every 1 to 36 hours and don’t mind saltwater or nuclear explosions. They have two hearts, three stomachs, no blood vessels in their eyes, and are made of stem cells. Or something.

6) Giant mutant piranha can grow large enough to eat helicopters, submarines, battleships, shady diplomats, research scientists, and TV reporters.

7) Giant mutant piranha like to jump through the air while swimming, for no apparent reason.

8) Giant mutant piranha will often leap onto land in search of food, often embedding themselves in buildings.

9) If you kill one giant mutant piranha, the rest will ignore all other prey and kill each other fighting over its corpse.

10) Did I mention the bicycle kicks?

6 comments April 11th, 2010 at 03:14pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Monday Media Blogging,Movies,Weirdness

Best Movie News Of The Year

Not so much the casting (although I like Natalie Portman) as the fact that this movie is getting made at all:

Portman will star in and produce “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” a film that is based on the bestselling book written by Seth Grahame-Smith and Austen. Lionsgate will finance and distribute. Quirk Books published the tome.

(…)

Described as an expanded version of the Austen classic, the book tells the timeless story of a woman’s quest for love and independence amid the outbreak of a deadly virus that turns the undead into vicious killers.

Portman will play feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet, who is distracted from her quest to eradicate the zombie menace by the arrival of the arrogant Mr. Darcy.

Awesome.  Now if someone will just make “Zombies On A Plane”, I can die happy.  And then get reanimated on a plane and start eating people.

(h/t The Frisky)

December 11th, 2009 at 04:37pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Second Chance Sunday!

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Sci-Fi SyFy channel is re-airing both Malibu Shark Attack and Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus tomorrow night at 7PM & 9PM respectively!

For those of you needing a refresher on why it is a Moral Imperative that you must watch these movies, we have the shadowy & mysterious Codename V’s review of Malibu Shark Attack, and my 11 reasons why Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus is the The Awesomest Movie Of All Time.

W00t!!!

1 comment September 5th, 2009 at 02:37pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Special Guest Post: Malibu Narwhal Shark Attack!

Narwhal!

In yet another Multi Medium exclusive, I have contracted with the shadowy and mysterious awesome awful movie reviewer Codename V. for a hard-hitting in-depth review of the SyFy instant classic, Malibu Shark Attack. Enjoy!

“Malibu Shark Attack” or “Why Does Eli Hate Me?”

I promised Eli I would watch this movie and snark on it. It is easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It would be super if I could get my two hours back, k thx bye.

So Malibu Shark Attack is presumably set in Malibu. It opens with a bunch of mediocre looking people having beach-type fun. I find myself wondering why beach movies always show people surfing and playing volleyball when I have never seen anyone doing either of those activities at any beach I’ve ever been to. Also, they show the same shot of a woman in a black bikini turning over at least three times. Production values in full effect.

I gather there has been some kind of geological event, like an underwater earthquake or something. Some CGI sharks of questionable quality are swimming around. They look kind of like narwhals, wtf. Ten minutes in, and I have already abandoned any hopes I had of there being a coherent plot.

So you have a bunch of lifeguards, and they all seem to have soap-opera love drama. There’s Lifeguard Doug, some other male lifeguard who looks like a low-rent version of Jack from Lost (complete with Japanese characters tattooed on his arm), a brown-haired lady lifeguard who looks about 45 years old, and a blond woman who I’m pretty sure is a man. Oh, and they have this younger girl hanging around who apparently got busted for shoplifting and has to do community service. She’s whining about it, and I’m thinking y’know, as far as community service goes, doing 100 hours at the beach isn’t half bad.

But I digress. Love Drama. Brunette Lady has a dumpy boyfriend. Blonde Shemale and Low Rent Jack used to date, but now she’s dating a construction worker (Note: Construction Workers are the mortal enemies of Lifeguards). Miss Whiner has her eye on Lifeguard Doug. All of this is EXTREMELY VITAL to the development of the story.

Meanwhile, a narwhal eats a diver. Someone else appears to be doing actual scuba diving whilst wearing a snorkel mask. Miss Whiner wears an iPod around her neck and sings some song while randomly dancing around. As best as I can tell, the lyrics to this song are “itchy bitchy, itchy bitchy” repeated over and over. Brunette Lifeguard gets awkwardly proposed to by her dumpy boyfriend, and then they sneak off to have sex in the lifeguard hut. Because that’s what you do.

Are you confused yet? I sure am. Moving on. Low Rent Jack hops on a jetski and cruises over to the construction site to have a macho standoff with his love rival, Construction Man. Did I mention that Lifeguards and Construction Workers can never coexist peacefully? It’s a law of nature or something. Back on the ocean, some asshole parasailers are drinking beer and enjoying the company of topless women. I have seen like a gazillion horror movies, so I know this is a harbinger of death. Sure enough, a CGI narwhal jumps out of the water and eats them, and they bleed all over Shemale Lifeguard.

(Note: I realize narwhals aren’t sharks. However while taking notes for this review, I seem to have written OMFG NARWHALS!! down about a dozen times, so I’m just rolling with it.)

At this point there is a commercial break, so I phone Eli to ask him what I’ve done in a past life to have karma this bad. He tells me that the Shemale lifeguard is actually Peta Wilson of La Femme Nikita fame. I don’t recall Peta Wilson being a man. Seriously, she has a deep voice and a stocky build. No way is this Peta Wilson. And yet it is. The mind boggles.

Back to the show. OMG TSUNAMI!! At this point a bunch of shizz starts happening all at once. Lifeguard Doug shoots a narwhal. Brown Haired Lifeguard Lady points out that the narwhals are actually goblin sharks, which are supposedly super rare or extinct or something. Whatever. TSUNAMI!! They’ve all been standing around gawking at the CGI shark and therefore only have time to take shelter in the lifeguard hut. Because that’s a great idea. The TSUNAMI!! hits and we actually get a shot from the TSUNAMI!!’s point of view. SRSLY. Miraculously these morons all survive.

It’s like 40 minutes in and I have officially stopped caring. We see a news clip stating that the TSUNAMI!! is bigger than the 2004 one in Indonesia, and there have been “hundreds of casualties.” (1) Is it just me, or does this seem in poor taste? and (2) if it’s all that big, “hundreds of casualties” just seems laughable. Oh wait, I am putting way too much thought into this. Screw that noise.

Oh yeah, Miss Whiner gets a pretty serious cut on her leg, and Shemale has to stitch it up without anesthesia. The whole time Shemale keeps saying “I have to do this, or you’ll DIE. You don’t want to DIE do you? Because you will. You’ll DIE.” Whiner cries through the whole stupid ordeal and then bitches because her leg looks like some kind of Frankenstein mess.

Everyone wants to kill the sharks except for Brown Haired Lifeguard. She makes this big impassioned speech about how they’re rare omfg and think of the contributions to science blah blah blah. And then she promptly gets eaten by a narwhal. HAHA. Serves you right, hippie. At this point, her dumpy boyfriend officially becomes That Guy Who Has Nothing To Live For So What’s The Point Of Any Of You Trying To Survive, We’re Doomed All Doomed And We’re All Gonna Die. That sums up the remainder of his role, so just go ahead and forget he even exists.

Meanwhile the Construction people are doing… something. I honestly don’t give a shit. One of them is going to swim for it and gets eaten by a narwhal. And then a narwhal jumps up and grabs another one off the dock. Who the hell are these people anyway?

The lifeguards get all stabby and kill a narwhal with some harpoons. I’ve stopped caring again. Geez, I have a lot of split ends. I should really get a good deep conditioner. I wonder how long it would take me to trim each one individually… Oh look, Low Rent Jack finds a flare gun and narrowly avoids being spotted by a narwhal. And the Construction guys have found a boat. Way to go.

Oh, my bad. I was texting my friend Hillary. She has the funniest love life. What? Now everyone is stranded in a tiny boat, lifeguards and construction workers together. How is this possible? They are rowing to… where the hell are they? Oh, back at the construction site. This is so f-ing tedious.

Stuff kind of happens: Lifeguard Doug maims a narwhal with a circular saw. Low Rent Jack and Shemale hide out in a half-submerged car. That seems like a bad plan, but whatever. What do I know, I’ve never been in their position. Then they get out and he chainsaws a narwhal to death. Someone delivers the line “there was a shark in the parking lot,” which strikes me as a kind of surrealist screenwriting genius.

Why does Shemale have two guys fighting over her? She’s a MAN, people. And how the hell many of these sharks are there? I am just counting the minutes until it’s over. And then… it’s over. Some people live, but some died, and I can’t be bothered to know who they are.

So there you have it. Malibu Shark Attack. I hope you’re all deeply appreciative that I suffered for your entertainment.

August 30th, 2009 at 07:52pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies

My Genius Sci-Fi/Horror Movie Idea

“Hell Toupee.”

‘Nuff said.

August 29th, 2009 at 06:04pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies,Puns

Important Movie Alert

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This Saturday at 9PM, the Sci-Fi Channel SyFy will be showing The Greatest Movie Ever Made, Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus.

If you’re unsure whether this is worth two hours of your life, you should probably review my list of 11 reasons why Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus is The Awesomest Movie Of All Time.

You’ll thank me.

UPDATE: The 7:00 movie is Malibu Shark Attack, which is pretty hilarious in its own right.

2 comments August 28th, 2009 at 06:26pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Ooo!

Alas, embedding is disabled, but one of my favorite movies of all time is on YouTube in its entirety. It’s called Koyaanisqatsi, and it has no plot or dialogue, just… imagery.  It’s absolutely gorgeous, albeit a little depressing.  And the Philip Glass score is fantastic.

Check it out so I don’t have to lend you the DVD.

1 comment June 5th, 2009 at 11:28am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus Is The Greatest Movie Ever Made

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Why Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus is The Awesomest Movie Of All Time:

1) The title.

2) See video above.  The most WTF moment in movie history.

3) Debbie Gibson is probably the best actor in the whole movie.

4) Lorenzo Lamas.  And he gets seasick.

5) Debbie Gibson and her scientist friends know their pheromone lure will work because it glows in the dark.

6) “Every scientist faces something like this sooner or later.”

7) Mega Shark is faster than a jet and big enough to eat the Golden Gate Bridge.

8) References to “The Thrilla in Manila” and Julius Caesar.

9) “Indeed, the laws of physics apply.  Each possesses a strength that dwarfs our military might.”

10) Submarine helmsman freaks out and pulls a gun on his captain right in the middle of a dangerous and delicate maneuver, so Debbie Gibson knocks him out with a single punch.

11) Shark-octopus fight scenes OMG.

10 comments May 30th, 2009 at 02:03pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies,Weirdness

You Want A Node Job, Right?

Wired has a feature on an indie sci-fi film called Sleep Dealer, where the future of immigration is virtual “telemigration” – instead of crossing the border, Mexican workers jack in with the help of “coyoteks” and and perform menial labor in the U.S. via remote control.

I wonder how the anti-immigration people would take this idea.  Technically, the telemigrants would still be in their home country – this would be more akin to outsourcing than anything else.

April 17th, 2009 at 07:14am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Immigration,Movies

Shark Alert!

Multi Medium Public Service Announcement: Today the Sci-Fi Syfy Channel is airing not one, but two craptastic shark movies that have been brilliantly reviewed by the shadowy and mysterious Codename V:

At 5PM, we have Shark Attack 3: Megalodon:

The next day, the marine biologist (who is seriously fugly and according to the IMDb has been in some soft-core porn) goes out on a boat with a couple of sleazy male assistants who constantly sexually harass her, but you’re supposed to like all three characters anyway. Megalodon starts ramming the boat, despite the fact that nobody in the immediate vicinity is having sex. Maybe those guys’ sleazy comments were enough to attract his attention.

And at 9PM, we have Spring Break Shark Attack:

Meanwhile, Studious Charlie is riding around in a small boat full of mangled plastic sea turtles. What could be responsible for this mangling? Conclusion: SHARKS!

The next day, they’re all keen to get off the island. They run across the mangled torso of the missing other sleazy gigolo boy. He’s covered in teeth marks and looks even more plastic than the sea turtles. Conclusion: SHARKS!

Having watched both of these films myself, I can attest that they are every bit as awesome as V. describes.

March 22nd, 2009 at 11:56am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies

Greatest Ad Campaign Ever?

New Zealand’s Sky TV wanted everyone to know they were airing Alien Vs. Predator last month:

AVP Chess

AVP Pool

AVP Swingball

That. Is. Brilliant.

Do click on the pics, the full-size images are gorgeous.

(h/t shadowy & mysterious Codename V.)

7 comments March 19th, 2009 at 06:32pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Art/Architecture,Coolness,Movies,Weirdness

Who Watches The Watchmen?

Me!

So, probably not much posting tonight.

1 comment March 16th, 2009 at 05:10pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies

Ratings Advisory Of The Week

From the NYT review of Last House On The Left:

‘The Last House on the Left’ is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). Characters are raped, stabbed, shot, mangled and fed to labor-saving devices.

Oh, Technology – is there anything you can’t do?

March 13th, 2009 at 05:42pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies,Quotes

Snake Alert!

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Multi Medium PSA: Today is Snake Day on the Sci-Fi channel, leading up to the premiere of Anacondas: Trail Of Blood, starring Gimli from Lord Of The Rings. I particularly recommend Snake King at 1:00 (Stephen Baldwin vs. giant five-headed snake) and Megasnake at 3:00 (cameo by Feedback, winner of the first season of “So You Want To Be A Superhero”).

Seriously, if you miss Snake King you’ll never forgive yourself.  Really, any Sci-Fi movie where Stephen Baldwin is the hero is must-see television.

February 28th, 2009 at 08:19am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies,TV

THIS Is The Proof That I Have No Life???

Saw this on Facebook.  I’ve seen… 151.  I think.  Some of the sequels kind of blur together.  Man, I sure have watched an awful lot of crap.

SUPPOSEDLY if you’ve seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you’ve seen. There are 244 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x’s next to the films you’ve seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click publish at the bottom. Have fun.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
( ) Pirates of the Carribbean 3: At World’s End
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Total: 7

(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
(x) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 13

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 20

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
( ) Harry Potter 3
( ) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil 1
(x) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
( ) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 26

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 31

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(x) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 38

( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 44

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 49

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child’s Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 57

(x) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean’s Eleven
( ) Ocean’s Twelve
( ) Ocean’s Thirteen
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
(x) Bourne Ultimatum
(x) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
(x) The Fog
( ) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 67

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
(x) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 73

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She’s All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 84

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) Shrek 3
Total so far: 96

(x) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
( ) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
(x) Krippendorf’s Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
(x) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 101

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 107

(x) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
(x) Waiting for Guffman
(x) House of 1000 Corpses
(x) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
(x) Highlander
(x) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History x
( ) Three
Total so Far: 114

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
(x) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 120

(x) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
(x) 28 weeks later
(x) Orgazmo
(x) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 130

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
(x) the Hills Have Eyes
(x) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
(x) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 137

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 143

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total: 151

9 comments February 9th, 2009 at 08:43pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Memes,Movies

Vibrators And Cary Grant For Everyone!!!

The NYT review of Carrie Fisher’s memoir, Wishful Drinking, is just chock full o’ fascinating tidbits – f’rinstance, did you know that you can’t wear underwear in space?

Drinking seems to have been the least of her problems. Pills were more her thing, and for a while hallucinogens. As a teenager, she dropped so much acid that her parents called in the greatest LSD expert they knew: Cary Grant.

(…)

When the author was 15, Ms. Reynolds gave her a vibrator for Christmas, and also gave one to her own mother, who declined to use it for fear it would short out her pacemaker. Some years later, perhaps taking the inbreeding principle to extreme, Ms. Reynolds suggested that her daughter ought to have children with Richard Hamlett, Ms. Reynold’s last husband.

(…)

“George Lucas ruined my life,” Ms. Fisher says, which doesn’t seem entirely fair. On the other hand, in a book full of weirdos, he emerges as possibly the strangest of all. He wouldn’t let Ms. Fisher wear a bra under her Princess Leia shift because, as he patiently explained to her, there is no underwear in space: according to Lucas-physics, if you were to wear a bra in a weightless environment, your bra would strangle you.

Wow.  The Star Wars universe must have seemed tame compared to real life.

January 2nd, 2009 at 05:47pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Books,Coolness,Movies,Weirdness

Plot Summary Of The Year

The IMDb (Internet Move Database) description of a Hungarian film called Taxidermia:

Gyorgy Palfi’s grotesque tale of three generations of men, including an obese speed eater, an embalmer of gigantic cats, and a man who shoots fire out of his penis.

I. Must. See. This.

(from the shadowy & mysterious Codename M2, by way of the shadowy & mysterious Codename V)

2 comments November 19th, 2008 at 03:09pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies,Weirdness

Je Suis Aware.

A day without a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie is like a day without sunshine.  But this one sounds a bit… different:

It might be odd to think of Mr. Van Damme, a veteran of steroidal exploitation cinema and a virtuoso of the bone-crunching split kick, as an old softie, but it is also perfectly consistent with the image overhaul implicit in his latest vehicle, “JCVD,” which opened on Friday. Directed by the French filmmaker Mabrouk El Mechri, it allows its namesake to reveal new facets to his screen persona basically by playing himself. A jokey hall-of-mirrors movie with a melancholic streak, it stars Mr. Van Damme — who turned 48 last month and whose last film to open theatrically in the United States was the 1998 flop “Knock Off,” — as Jean-Claude Van Damme, a washed-up middle-aged movie star.

Thanks in part to a widely circulating online trailer “JCVD” has garnered more attention for Mr. Van Damme than he has received in years. (The last time he made even a remote impact on pop-culture consciousness was when he appeared on “Friends” as himself in 1996 and boasted that he could crush a walnut with his buttocks.) “JCVD” was a word-of-mouth hit at Cannes, and it had its North American premiere at a raucous midnight screening at the Toronto International Film Festival.

(…)

It opens with an over-the-top action set piece from a film-within-the-film, complete with gunplay, knife fights and exploding grenades that was shot in a single take and that visibly pushed the star to his limits. “I was completely out of breath to the point of anxiety,” he said.

Mr. Van Damme’s more sensitive side is on jaw-dropping display in the movie’s pièce de résistance, a soul-baring six-minute monologue with more emoting than in all his other roles put together. His eyes tearing up and his voice quavering, he reflects on his dreams and failures, and effectively head-butts the fourth wall. (“I truly believe it’s not a movie.”)

(…)

When he watched it for the first time, he remembers thinking, “I didn’t lie.” He added, “It was scary for me to do it in French.” French is his native language, but this is his first French-speaking lead role, and he has been mercilessly mocked for spouting Zenlike aphorisms in Franglais on French television. (“Je suis aware.”)

Filled with whiplash digressions and weirdly poetic grace notes, the show-stopping speech is actually a fair approximation of how he really speaks. On his disillusionment with celebrity, he said: “I was so hungry for fame — not for fame, no — well, let’s be honest, hungry for fame, hungry for love. But then fame came, and it was not existing.”

On being engaged with his movies: “I want to be involved in that nine-month process. It’s like making a baby. You make love, and it’s the full way to delivery. How can I be mentally pregnant with the film all the way?”

I think I may actually need to see this…

2 comments November 7th, 2008 at 11:51am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies,Weirdness

Phrase I Never Thought I’d Read

From the NYT’s review of The Duchess:

A big-boned beauty who leads with her jaw, Ms. Knightley looks pretty as a Gainsborough picture in and out of her silks and satins, but she’s not a remotely composed one.

Keira Knightley, big-boned.  Wow.

1 comment September 19th, 2008 at 07:16pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Movies,Quotes,Weirdness

Overcome By Awesome

It’s a Terminator head DVD player. I… have no words.

(From Toxel.com, by way of Engadget)

1 comment August 15th, 2008 at 07:52pm Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Coolness,Movies,Technology

Holy Cameos, Patman!

YouTube Preview Image

Okay, Pat Leahy is officially one of my favorite senators now:

The senator steps forward. “We’re not intimidated by you thugs,” he says. The man, saying, “You remind me of my father — I hated my father,” grabs the senator’s head, and thrusts a knife to his face. The senator freezes, eyes wide.

Not your typical Capitol Hill brouhaha. No, this scene is pure Hollywood, straight out of the new Batman movie, “The Dark Knight.” But that really is the senior senator from Vermont: Patrick J. Leahy — Democrat, Judiciary Committee chairman and lifelong Batman fan — has a cameo in the film and gets to be held at knifepoint by Heath Ledger’s Joker.

(…)

Batman became his favorite superhero because “he has no superpowers,” Mr. Leahy said. “He had to use his own brains and his own knowledge. He could have had an entirely different life. As a billionaire, he could have done anything.”

Mr. Leahy had a nonspeaking cameo in the 1997 film “Batman and Robin,” did a voice-over for the part of a governor in a Batman cartoon, and wrote the prefaces for a “Batman” anthology and a Batman comic book about the danger of land mines. Once he was spotted doing wheelies on his grandson’s toy Batmobile down the long marble hall outside his Senate office.

(…)

The filming of Mr. Leahy’s scene in a Chicago restaurant last summer took “all night long,” he said. Mr. Ledger would “punch or throw me halfway across the room,” and Mr. Leahy was propped up by another actor “with an arm like an oak tree” who was “brandishing a gun in my face.”

It took the senator a couple dozen tries before he got his line right.

“We tried it two different ways — one was authoritative, the other one was with a lot of fear in my voice,” Mr. Leahy said. Ultimately, he was directed to act like the prosecutor he once was, with a take-charge attitude.

So how did Mr. Leahy manage to find his character’s motivation? Was he thinking of Vice President Dick Cheney, who in 2004 used profanity to curse Mr. Leahy on the Senate floor?

“No, I wasn’t visualizing Dick Cheney,” Mr. Leahy said. “They can’t use that dialogue in a PG-13 movie.”

I think we need more Batman fans in Congress.  Maybe even the White House.

2 comments July 13th, 2008 at 11:36am Posted by Eli

Entry Filed under: Comics,Coolness,Democrats,Movies

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